I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
