you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
