dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I love you. Go after that dick
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