So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
