you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
