Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
