What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Randomize
