Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
