I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
