Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
