He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
