you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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