He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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