sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
