i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
