And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
