Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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