I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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