she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize