I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
