Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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