Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
