True but thats because hes a fetus.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
