Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Someone came in the potted fern
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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