screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
There r osticjed everywhere
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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