There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
