I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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