Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize