if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
