I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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