Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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