Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
This is the high leading the old right now
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize