Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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