I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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