Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
