I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm sobbing to NWA
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
