Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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