his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
