I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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