I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize