and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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