Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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