Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
