Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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