so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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