I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
