I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
