Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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