have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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