You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
