the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
