these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
