He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
