Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You have to summon your inner elephant
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I am one with the molecules
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
