Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
