peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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