Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
