That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
