I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
