My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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