Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You ate ashes out of my bong
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
