ugly people sure do ruin things
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
