there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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