This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
