i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
third nipple confirmed
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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