Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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