A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
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