Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
