I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
