u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
