um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
