Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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