i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
