Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
