She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
