He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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