Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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