Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
