i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
