i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We need a shit load of segways right now
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
