Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize