Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
