Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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