Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize