So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
