can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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