so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Slut skills are useful in every country.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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