There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
